I'm having a bit of trouble adjusting to the whole 'full time motherhood' thing. Andrew ended a mild complaint about something domestic the other day with the words ' and I've been at work all day' and it illicited a response of near hysteria and irrationality from me. We've agreed that expression will not EVER be repeated. However, it has made me have a think about my new role in life. Whilst I always considered (no matter what others may have thought) that my number one priority was the children, this is the first time I haven't had a job since I had them. And it feels a bit odd. Now, what I am about to say is by no means any sort of criticism of women who don't work - it's just how I judge myself (and I am generally my own worst critic). The thing is....I could spend all day everyday on domestic issues and run a house on obsessive compulsive lines. Andrew would never be tempted to say the banned words again and I wouldn't really have a problem with it. My problem is with doing anything that isn't strictly speaking related to the running of the home - like having coffee, lunch, going to the gym or having a wander around the shops. Because when I do that sort of stuff I feel guilty and am much more likely to have a totally disproportionate response to perfectly reasonable comments like' do I have a clean shirt' (yes you have - would you like me to insert it in your rear end with this broom handle?').
At the bottom of all this is a feeling that I can't shake off.....isn't not working a bit, well......lazy? (Waiting for a bombardment from everyone now....)
But it's deeper than that. I've realised that, tragically, I don't really know who I am when I'm not working. When filling in a form recently which asked for my profession, I stared at the categories unable to bring myself to tick the box marked 'housewife'. This set me off on a few nights of navel gazing, and this is what I've come up with.....
Over the years I've come to define myself by what I do - whether it be work, or the other stuff I rushed about doing (being a councillor, sitting on committees etc etc). I've wanted that to be what people knew about me. So the answer to 'who are you' would be a description of what I do.......I think I did this because I thought that just being me wasn't good enough. Now I don't work, there is nothing to hide behind. I have to just be Wendy. Scary.....
5 comments:
Well personally I'd say, based on my Protestant-work-ethic/sick Arbeit-Macht-Frei mentality that, yes, not working is lazy.....
But I would say that wouldn't I?
Otherwise my world will collapse.
I have worked out (after many a blundering foot-in-mouth moment) that the right thing to ask women when you meet them is:
"Do you work outside the home?"
I think you should tell people that you are taking a sabbatical to write a novel. As well as sounding reeeeeeeeelly cool, it might even make you do it.
Love you millions. Keep taking the tablets ;-)
Lucy xxxxxx
You're missing the point anyway. You're a Freelance Consultant.
So what if you don't have any projects on the go right now?
L xxxxx
Just wanted to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY GEORGE but not sure where to put it so putting it here lol!
PS I dont have a job outside of the home, but that doesnt mean I dont work. I work harder than most of you, sorry to say so stick that in one's pipe and smoke it - but dont forget to clean up after yourself!
Missing the point there Samantha.....in so many ways....
L xx
Outstanding Wendy
Will consider my response bt now you know how hard it is and so you search to find out who you are and I have found that Iam different on the outside than on the inside and I gave up being judged by people a long time ago!!!! The joy of hindsight and education!!
Will email yo my other comments. xxx good for you. You don't need to write a novel but God help my husband if he made the comment that HE had been working all day!!!!! Ignorant creatures.
Post a Comment